Senin, 16 Mei 2016

oh-so-long-distance-relationship

oh dear, B.
I'm having a problem with this case, we called it "oh-so-long-distance-relationship".
I find it hard to believe that I'm in that kind of situation, but hey I'm doing it anyway.
what do you feel when you consider yourself to be far far away from home?
from beloved mom and little bro?
or, what do you feel when you consider yourself to be separated by kilometers away?
so, ya, that's what I'm doing right now.

Oh that's the little case.
Another case is, when you finally meet them, your beloved, and you should leave em to doing your life like you always did, well for me, that feels so......sad.
well if you know me, I could always pretend that I didn't cry (while we all know that I did cry) then erase my tears in silence.
or having those worry things like,
How if I fail?
How if I didn't get them all the happy feelings?
What should I do now without them?
When will I meet them?
Could I hug my mom because it feels like i'm about to cry right now?
Does life hits them hard?
Why should I leave?

I know, right? 
But all I have to do is just wait and wait and wait and wait and........*sigh*
all I have to do is just to play with time, gives a chance to makes me happy when it comes to meet with all the love of my life.
Alright, I know.
Wow.
I don't know that oh-so-called-long-distance-relationship could be this hard.

But I always know that it's worth to wait and worth to be fighting for, B.

oh dear my old-but-gold B

So let's talk about this blog.
gue tau blog ini sudah sangat oldschool, template kekanak-kanakan, dan post-post yang makin lama bikin gue makin sadar "oh what's wrong with my brain?" dan yaduh bikin males pokoknya.
I've tried. yes, I've tried much supaya bikin blog ini 'agak' menarik, tapi ends up with nothing dan gak ganti apa-apa.
Searching blog sana-sini biar dapat referensi, and ends up with nothing, again, nothing.
Ohiya belum juga post-post curhat yang bikin sepet mata. Nggak sepet juga sih cuma ya gitu minta diketawain aja kayaknya.
Cuma ya lagi-lagi, ga ada niat untuk ngehapus post. paling cuma ketawa dikit, malu, terus close page aja sih. Gak ada niatan untuk ngehapus post, minimal di save tapi nggak di publish.
Dan, sekedar untuk klarifikasi post-post super galau yang gue gak paham kenapa gue bisa nulis itu but somehow, pengen aja.
I write what I want to write, if I don't then I won't.
Atau apapun jenis post yang gue tulis, seriously that's what I felt that day. Entah saat itu gue sedang memposisikan diri sebagai diri sendiri, atau tiba-tiba ada ide, atau maksud curhat lalu berusaha memposisikan diri sebagai orang lain.
Oh untuk template, gue sebenarnya sudah berniat, tapi gue ada kekhawatiran kalau hal itu akan merubah image blog gue (lol I talk like my blog has a special image while i know that its not) jadi ya gue emang niatnya cuma untuk nulis, bukan untuk mencari image bahwa isi blog gue bermutu atau gimanasih. karena ya emang mau aja nulis. Not that i don't give a chance to my blog but I just don't want to feel strange to my blog because it feels like....home.
Like I could write everything here everytime I couldn't tell everyone about how I feel.
Because I feel like, I'm such a half extrovert and half introvert or not?
So, that's it.
jadi ya, apapun yang terjadi gue akan berusaha untuk tetap menulis sih. Ya walaupun banyak kosongan dan gak ada isinya, tapi ya gue pasti tetep nulis.

P.S: considering me as the woman who can't be moved (moved from this baby B, I mean).
Well, B is for Blog. wihi.
See ya!


With love,

N